How to Forgive When You Don't Want To: 7 Days of Healing

Here are the Battle Drill Daily Devotionals for the coming week. The accompanying video and audio podcast episodes will be published each day.

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Are You Chained to Your Past?

Sunday 26 October 2025

Are you chained to someone from your past?

Let me tell you a heartbreaking story. Two brothers ran a shop together - identical twins, inseparable their whole lives. One day, a pound note went missing from the till. One brother accused the other. The accusation turned into an argument. The argument turned into twenty years of bitterness.

They divided their shop down the middle. Two separate businesses, side by side, for two decades. All over one pound.

Twenty years later, a stranger walked in and confessed: “I stole that pound note twenty years ago. I’ve carried the guilt ever since. Can I make it right?”

When the first brother heard this, he wept. When he told his twin brother, they both wept. Twenty years of their lives, destroyed over unforgiveness.

Does that sound familiar? Maybe not twenty years. Maybe not a business partnership. But we all have broken relationships we’re carrying around.

“God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” (Matthew 5:7)

So, here’s the question again: Who are you chained to?

For five hundred years, every scholar receiving a Master of Arts degree from Oxford University was required - as a condition of receiving his degree - to swear enmity towards a man named Henry Symeonis.

In 1827, when university dons conducted a revision of the M.A. recipients’ oath, they noticed this peculiar clause. Strangely, none of them had the slightest idea who Henry Symeonis was. They ordered that the line be removed from the M.A. graduation oath.

Like any good scholars, though, they undertook to solve the mystery of who Henry Symeonis was. That task turned out to be not so easy.

Sometimes the wheels of scholarship grind exceedingly slowly. It was not until nearly a century later, in 1912, that a historian discovered in Oxford city records that, in the year 1264, a citizen of the city named Henry Symeonis had murdered a university student. The murderer evidently had friends in high places, because King Henry III pardoned him and ordered that he be permitted to return to the city of Oxford to live, unhindered by university authorities.

This infuriated the university, but what could they do? Including Henry Symeonis’ name in the graduation oath was the only way they could think of to thumb their noses at the King’s decree.

Even so, five hundred years seems rather a long time to hold a grudge.

Jesus says when we refuse to forgive, we’re creating a torture chamber for ourselves. That’s exactly what unforgiveness does - it tortures us far more than it hurts the other person.

Think about it: The person who hurt you has probably moved on. But you? You’re still replaying that conversation from five years ago. You’re still feeling that betrayal. You’re still carrying that resentment like a backpack full of stones.

Here’s the difficult truth: Because God has forgiven you, you can forgive others.

Your debt to God was massive - everything you’ve ever done wrong, every harsh word, every selfish choice, every time you’ve hurt someone you love. And God chose to forgive it all through Jesus.

So, can you really hold onto that grudge against your neighbour? Your colleague? Your family member?

I know what you’re thinking: “They don’t deserve forgiveness.” You’re absolutely right. They don’t. But that’s the whole point - you didn’t deserve God’s forgiveness either. None of us did.

So, here’s your action step for today: At your workplace, in your home, in your neighbourhood - wherever you’ll be today - there’s probably someone you need to forgive.

Maybe it’s the colleague who undermines you in meetings. Maybe it’s your teenager who said something hurtful last week. Maybe it’s your friend who let you down when you needed them most.

Today, send them a message. It doesn’t have to be long. Just three words will do: “I forgive you.” Or if you’re not ready for that, try: “Can we talk?”

One small step towards freedom.

Because unforgiveness doesn’t hurt them - it hurts you.

It’s time to drop the chains.

Who will you reach out to today?

How Many Times Must I Forgive?

Monday 27 October 2025

How many times do you have to forgive someone before you’ve done enough?

“Then Peter came to him and asked, ‘Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?’ ‘No, not seven times,’ Jesus replied, ‘but seventy times seven!’“ (Matthew 18:21-22)

Peter thought he was being incredibly generous when he asked Jesus this question. Seven times! That’s more than anyone else would do, right? Surely that’s enough.

But Jesus’s answer must have shocked him: “Seventy times seven.”

Now, Jesus wasn’t giving us a mathematical equation. He wasn’t saying, “Keep a tally, and when you hit 490, you’re done.” He was saying something far more challenging: Unlimited forgiveness. Keep forgiving. Don’t stop counting - stop keeping score altogether.

Why is that so hard?

Maybe you have someone in your family who is always letting you down. They do something wrong and then promise that this time it will be different, only to let you down again.

You probably ask yourself – maybe even God – how many more times do I have to forgive this person before enough is enough?

And I understand your frustration. We all do. Because forgiveness is costly. It hurts. And when someone keeps hurting us, everything in us screams: “They don’t deserve another chance!”

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: None of us deserve God’s forgiveness either.

Jesus told Peter a parable immediately after this conversation. A servant owed the king millions - an unpayable debt. The king forgave it completely. But then that same servant refused to forgive someone who owed him a tiny amount.

Do you see it? You and I owe God a debt we can never repay. Every harsh word. Every selfish choice. Every time we’ve hurt someone we love. It all adds up to an enormous debt against a holy God.

And God has chosen to forgive it all. Not seven times. Not seventy times seven. But completely. Totally. Forever.

So how can we refuse to forgive others?

I know what you’re thinking: “But they keep doing it. They keep hurting me. Surely there’s a limit?”

Jesus is saying: No. There isn’t. Because if God stopped forgiving you after the seventh time, where would you be?

So, here’s your action step for today: In your workplace, your home, your neighbourhood - wherever you’ll be - there’s probably someone who’s hurt you repeatedly. Maybe it’s your teenager who keeps breaking curfew. Maybe it’s your colleague who keeps taking credit for your work. Maybe it’s your spouse who keeps making the same thoughtless comments.

Today, stop counting. Stop keeping score. Choose to forgive them again.

Not because they deserve it. Not because it’s easy. But because you’ve been forgiven an unpayable debt.

Write their name down if it helps. Then write across it: “Forgiven - again.” And every time you’re tempted to bring up their past failures, remember: God doesn’t keep bringing up yours.

This doesn’t mean staying in an abusive situation. This doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences. But it does mean releasing the resentment. Letting go of the scorecard.

Because unlimited forgiveness isn’t just a nice idea from Jesus.

It’s a command.

How many times must you forgive?

As many times as it takes.

The Debt You Cannot Pay

Tuesday 28 October 2025

How much do you owe?

I’m not talking about your mortgage or your credit card bill. I’m talking about your debt to God.

In Jesus’s parable, a servant owed the king millions. Some translations say “ten thousand talents” - the highest numbers imaginable in that culture. Jesus was deliberately using hyperbole. He wanted his listeners to understand: This debt is unpayable. Impossible. Beyond imagination.

“The man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.”(Matthew 18:26-27)

That’s you. That’s me.

Every harsh word you’ve spoken. Every selfish choice you’ve made. Every time you’ve ignored God. Every critical thought. Every broken promise. It all adds up to a debt you can never, ever repay.

We all try to pay off our debt to God, don’t we?

We think: “If I just go to church more, I’ll be square with God.” Or: “If I volunteer enough, surely that’ll balance the books.” Or: “If I give to charity, read my Bible, say my prayers - eventually I’ll pay off what I owe.”

But here’s the brutal truth: You cannot pay this debt. Not ever.

In Jesus’s parable, the servant falls on his face and makes a promise he cannot keep: “Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.”

He’s lying. Not intentionally, perhaps. But he’s deluded. He owes millions. Even if he worked every day for the rest of his life, even if he never made another mistake, he could never pay back what he owes.

That’s us. We owe God a debt of “zillions and zillions of sins”. Everything we’ve ever said, thought, or done wrong. And not just the big stuff - the everyday failures too. The impatience with our children. The gossip at work. The envy when our neighbour gets promoted. The pride when we succeed.

It all adds up. And it’s unpayable.

So, what does the king do in Jesus’s story? Does he laugh at the servant’s pathetic promise? Does he say, “Right, you’ve got your whole life to work this off”?

No. He does something stunning: “Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.”

He forgave it. All of it. Completely. Totally. Forever.

That’s the gospel, friends. That’s the good news of Jesus Christ.

You owe a debt you cannot pay. But Jesus has paid it for you. On the cross, he took your debt - every bit of it - and paid it in full. The debt that would have crushed you forever, Jesus carried. The punishment you deserved, Jesus took.

Why? Because God loves you. Because he sees you, knows you, and still chooses mercy.

In his book, Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell tells the story of having his bill paid at a restaurant.

“I was having breakfast with my dad and my youngest son at the Real Food Café on Eastern Avenue just south of Alger in Grand Rapids. We were finishing our meal when I noticed that the waitress brought our check and then took it away and then brought it back again. She placed it on the table, smiled, and said, ‘Somebody in the restaurant paid for your meal. You’re all set.’ And then she walked away.

“I had the strangest feeling sitting there. The feeling was helplessness. There was nothing I could do. It had been taken care of. To insist on paying would have been pointless. All I could do is trust that what she said was true was actually true and then live in that. Which meant getting up and leaving the restaurant. My acceptance of what she said gave me a choice: to live like it was true or to create my own reality in which the bill was not paid.

“This is our invitation. To trust that we don’t owe anything. To trust that something is already true about us, something has already been done, something has been there all along.

“To trust that grace pays the bill.”

So, here’s your action step for today: Wherever you are - at work, at home, online - take three minutes to do this. Find a quiet spot. Get a piece of paper. Write down three things you’re carrying guilt over. Three failures. Three regrets. Three sins.

Then write across the top: “PAID IN FULL.”

Because they are. Jesus has already paid your debt. You don’t need to keep trying to earn God’s forgiveness. You don’t need to work harder to deserve his love.

It’s already done.

The debt you cannot pay has been paid for you.

What If God Saw Everything?

Wednesday 29 October 2025

We’re experts at hiding, aren’t we? We curate our social media to show only our best moments. We put on a smile at church whilst crumbling inside. We keep our struggles locked away where no one - not even God, we hope - can see them.

But what if I told you God’s already seen everything? Every failure, every shameful thought, every broken promise. And he’s still here. Still loving you. Still calling you his child.

Let me paint a picture for you. The Prodigal Son wasn’t just broke - he was broken. He’d betrayed everything sacred to his family. He’d essentially told his father, “I wish you were dead so I could have your money now.” Then he’d taken that money and destroyed his life with it.

Lying in that pigpen, covered in filth and shame, he wasn’t just physically dirty. His soul felt contaminated. Ruined. Unlovable.

I’ll be honest with you - I know what it’s like to feel like that Prodigal Son. To feel like you’ve disqualified yourself from God’s love. Like you’ve gone too far, done too much, hidden too long.

You and I have these deep caves within our souls. Layers and layers of stuff we keep hidden. Not necessarily the big, dramatic sins everyone talks about. Sometimes it’s just the everyday ugliness - the jealousy, the bitterness, the critical thoughts, the self-righteousness. We keep it well hidden from each other. But God sees it all.

And here’s what takes my breath away: he doesn’t run. He sees those dark caverns in your heart, and he moves closer.

“But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.” (Luke 15:22-24)

The legendary British prime minister Sir Winston Churchill was once asked, “Are you ready to meet your Maker?” In typical pithy response, Churchill replied, “I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether he is ready for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter entirely”.

But the scandalous truth of the Gospel is that God would have been ready to meet Churchill. The father in Jesus’s story didn’t say, “Go wash up first, then we’ll talk.” He didn’t make his son earn his way back. He threw his arms around him whilst he still reeked of pigs and poor choices.

Why would God do this? Simple: because Jesus already paid for every bit of that ugliness. The debt you couldn’t pay - Jesus paid it. The shame you carry - Jesus carried it to the cross. The separation your sin created - Jesus bridged it with his death and resurrection.

So, what do you do with this truth?

Here’s your practical step: At lunchtime today, wherever you are - your workplace, your home, your school - take a sixty-second prayer break. Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Just pause. And pray this: “Father, I know you see all of me - the good bits and the rubbish bits. Thank you for not running away. Thank you for Jesus. Help me stop hiding from you.”

That’s it. Sixty seconds. But those sixty seconds could change everything.

Because God’s not disgusted by you. He’s desperate for you. He sees the depths of your soul, knows every secret, every failure, every ugly thought. And his response is to prepare a feast, put a robe on your shoulders, and throw a party.

You’re not too far gone. You’re not too broken. You’re not too anything.

You’re loved. Completely. Unconditionally. Forever.

Come home.

Why Don’t You Want to Forgive?

Thursday 30 October 2025

I’ll be honest with you - I don’t always want to forgive. Do you?

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15)

Here’s what we tell ourselves: “God forgives me, so I should forgive others.” Simple equation, right? God’s mercy received equals mercy given to others. Christian living 101. Spiritual growth sorted. Relationships healed. Done.

Except it’s not how it works in real life, is it?

The truth I’ve discovered through years of pastoral ministry, and my own broken relationships is this: God forgives me, but I don’t forgive you. And that’s the deepest barrier to success in every relationship I have.

Jesus told a disturbing story about forgiveness in Matthew 18. A servant owed his king millions - an unpayable debt. He begged for mercy, and the king wiped it clean. Completely forgiven. Free to go.

But moments later, this forgiven servant grabbed a fellow worker by the throat over a few quid. “Pay me now!” No mercy. No patience. No grace. Just anger and prison.

When it comes to my sin, my failures, my mess-ups? I want mercy. I want God to understand I’ve had a rough week. I want people to cut me some slack when I snap at them or let them down.

But when someone hurts me? That’s different, isn’t it?

I want justice. I want them to pay. I want them to know how much they’ve wounded me. And if I’m not careful, I’ll bring it up again next month. And the month after that.

I’ve met so many people who have been carrying around unforgiveness for years. They know God’s forgiven them for loads of things in their lives, but they’re just not ready to let go of their hurt.

Not ready. That’s the real issue, isn’t it? Not that we can’t forgive. We won’t forgive.

And here’s what Jesus says happens when we refuse to forgive: we create a torture chamber for ourselves. We build walls around our hearts. We give the person who hurt us rent-free space in our minds, and they torment us at 2am when we should be sleeping.

Unforgiveness is like a bedsore. It starts small - just a little irritation. But underneath the surface, it’s eating away at healthy tissue. And if we don’t deal with it, it destroys everything good in our lives. Friendships die. Marriages crumble. Families fracture.

All because we won’t forgive.

But here’s the good news about God’s grace: you get another chance. Right now. This moment. You can choose to forgive.

God has forgiven you a debt you could never repay. Every unkind word. Every selfish choice. Every time you’ve hurt someone you love. Jesus paid that debt on the cross. Completely. Finished.

So, whatever wound you’re carrying - however much someone has hurt you - it’s nowhere near as much as you’ve hurt God. And he’s forgiven you anyway.

Here’s your practical step for today: Before you leave for work, school, or wherever you’re headed, take sixty seconds. Find a quiet corner - your bedroom, your car, even the bathroom. Pray this prayer out loud: “Father, you’ve forgiven me for everything. Help me forgive [name the person]. I choose mercy today.”

That’s it. Sixty seconds. But those sixty seconds could transform your relationships, heal your heart, and set you free from years of bitterness.

Because Christian encouragement isn’t just about feeling better. It’s about doing what Jesus did: forgiving the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.

Thought Starter: How has unforgiveness created a “torture chamber” in your own life or relationships, and what would change in your life if you truly forgave that person today?

How Walls Become Prisons

Friday 31 October 2025

Here’s a question: When did your wall of protection become a prison of isolation?

We build walls around our hearts for good reasons. Someone hurt us. Betrayed us. Let us down. So, we tell ourselves, “Never again. I’m building a wall to keep the pain out.”

But here’s what actually happens: we end up locking ourselves in whilst locking everyone else out. The wall we built for protection becomes a prison of our own making.

Jesus told a shocking story about a servant who’d been forgiven millions but refused to forgive pennies.

“Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.” (Matthew 18:34)

The king sent the unforgiving servant to be tortured. And Jesus makes it clear: that’s what happens when we refuse to forgive. We create our own torture chamber.

I’ll be honest with you - I’ve seen this pattern destroy more lives than almost anything else in pastoral ministry. Not the big, dramatic sins we worry about. But the quiet, hidden sin of unforgiveness. The bitterness we nurture. The resentment we feed. The grudges we maintain.

Many of us struggle with our relationships and end up exhausted, angry, and deeply lonely.

When we reflect on the conflict in our lives, the real issue often emerges: unforgiveness. Someone disappointed you two years ago - nothing catastrophic, just failed expectations. Instead of working through it, you built a wall. Then someone else had been critical, so you added another brick. Then a friend had let you down, another brick. Then your boss had been unfair, another brick.

Brick by brick, disappointment by disappointment, you’ve built a fortress around your heart. And now you’re trapped inside, wondering why you feel so isolated and alone.

Here’s the truth about God’s mercy and forgiveness: when we refuse to forgive others, we’re not just hurting them. We’re destroying ourselves. We’re building walls that become prisons. We’re creating emotional torture chambers where bitterness and resentment torment us at all hours.

The Bible is absolutely clear about this. If you refuse to forgive others, God won’t forgive you. If you hold grudges, you’ll be held accountable. If you withhold mercy, mercy will be withheld from you. There’s no wiggle room here. No exceptions. No asterisks.

Why? Because unforgiveness chains you to the past. It gives the person who hurt you power over your present and future. They live in your head rent-free, tormenting you at 2am. They don’t know it. They’ve moved on with their lives. But you’re still carrying them around like emotional baggage.

And meanwhile, every healthy relationship you have is suffering. Because walls don’t discriminate. When you build walls to keep hurt out, you also keep love out. Keep grace out. Keep healing out.

Here’s your practical application for today: Tonight, before you go to bed, take five minutes. Get a piece of paper and write down one name - the person whose unforgiveness has become your prison wall. Then write: “I choose freedom. I release you.”

Then tear up that paper. Bin it. Let it go. Symbolically tear down one brick in your wall.

Will you feel instantly better? Maybe not. Will you have to do this again tomorrow? Quite possibly. Forgiveness is often a process, not a one-time event.

But every time you choose forgiveness, you’re removing a brick. Unlocking a door. Creating space for God’s grace to flow again.

You’ve been forgiven an unpayable debt. Can you forgive the comparatively tiny debt someone owes you?

Stop building walls. Start tearing them down. Your freedom depends on it.

Thought Starter: Who’s living in your head rent-free, and what would it take to evict them today?

Is Your Faith Real or Just Religious?

Saturday 1 November 2025

Here’s an uncomfortable question: What if everything you think proves you’re a good Christian actually proves nothing at all?

What if church attendance, Bible reading, prayer habits, and service don’t reveal the depth of your faith? What if there’s only one true test?

“There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you.” (James 2:13)

James gives us that test: mercy. How quickly, how easily, how completely you show mercy to others reveals how deeply you’ve received God’s mercy yourself.

That makes me uncomfortable. Because I can fake church attendance. I can manufacture religious activity. I can look spiritual on the outside whilst harbouring unforgiveness on the inside.

But I cannot fake forgiveness. It either flows from a heart transformed by God’s grace, or it doesn’t flow at all.

I’ve learned this the hard way in my ministry over the years. A woman I’ll call Harriet was a committed Salvationist. She was at every meeting, every prayer meeting, every outreach event. Everyone admired her dedication to Christian service.

But she regularly exploded at other members, usually over something trivial. Her frustrations came from years of accumulated resentment. Dozens of small offences she’d been cataloguing. Names she’d been collecting. Hurts she’d been nursing.

She looked spiritual. But underneath, she was carrying pounds of unforgiveness that had poisoned everything.

Here’s what I’ve learned about spiritual growth and Christian maturity: you can serve for twenty years and still be spiritually immature. You can wear a smart and well-pressed Salvation Army uniform and attend church every Sunday and still be far from God. You can memorise entire books of the Bible and still miss the heart of the Gospel.

Because the heart of the Gospel is mercy. God showing mercy to us. Us showing mercy to others.

An unforgiving Christian is an oxymoron. There’s no such thing. Because if you truly understand what God has forgiven you, you cannot withhold forgiveness from others.

Think about it. God has forgiven you for everything. Absolutely everything. Every selfish choice. Every hurtful word. Every broken promise. Every time you’ve put yourself before him. All forgiven. Completely.

And he asks only one thing in return: that you extend that same mercy to others.

So, here’s the test of real faith versus religious activity: How quickly do you forgive? When your spouse says something thoughtless, do you harbour it for days? When your colleague takes credit for your work, do you plot revenge? When your friend lets you down, do you cut them off?

Or do you forgive quickly, easily, and completely?

That’s the barometer. That’s the measure. That’s the test.

Here’s what I want you to do tonight: Before you go to bed, find a quiet place in your home. Get a piece of paper. Write down one name. The person you’ve been refusing to forgive. Don’t overthink it. You know who it is.

Then write underneath: “I choose mercy today.”

Tear up that paper. Bin it. Let it go. Release them. Release yourself.

And tomorrow morning, when you wake up and that person comes to mind, pray: “God, I choose mercy today. Again.”

Because forgiveness isn’t a one-time event. It’s a daily choice. And every time you choose mercy, you’re proving your faith is real. You’re showing you’ve truly received God’s grace. You’re demonstrating that your Christian walk isn’t just religious activity - it’s genuine transformation.

So, start tonight. Don’t wait. Don’t delay. Don’t make excuses.

Choose mercy. Show mercy. Be merciful.

Because if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you.

Thought Starter: What’s the difference between looking spiritual and actually being transformed by God’s mercy?

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Unless otherwise shown, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. All song extracts used by permission. CCL Licence No. 135015.